Ever have one of those days when it's a struggle to feel joy about being alive? You know, you wake up and your back hurts, you know you didn't sleep well, and you teeter-totter through the morning routine. And then you start to have thoughts about death and mortality. You wonder if you feel this way because maybe you're dying and don't know it? For the sake of keeping a journal, I hereby share this day and the thoughts and feelings it brought to my mind.
So I wonder if it's about being 51 years old, and feeling the passage of time more keenly than before. Only, in truth, I've felt this way before in my youth as well. So obviously, it's not an age thing. Depression, you ask? No, I don't think it's that, but if it were, well, I say we're all entitled to a little bit from time to time. It does make you take stock of your life and think and meditate a bit on the deeper things. I wonder if this is a little bit of how King David felt when he was besieged by his enemies. The result of that---one of the most beautiful books in the Bible-- the Book of Psalms.
So, I have to think that in terms of what I don't know or see, I am being besieged by enemies. They're there all the time, waiting for an opportune moment to attack. It's also SO good to know that we have weapons with which to defeat this enemy. One of the most powerful weapons I have found to make him flee is Praise. I praise my Lord and Creator for all things, even for my weaknesses and my aches and pains. I praise him for my flaws, which are many, and my imperfections. I know he has a plan for me. That is all I need to know. And yes, I sometimes inwardly rebel, again another byproduct of that invisible enemy. I begin to question why God allows this or that to happen. I question and say "What the ? What is the purpose to this?" And I am reminded by the Spirit
"Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?"
After reflecting on this and other Scriptures, I feel better. For I know I'm not alone in this journey. My Savior has traveled this road before me. And he intercedes for me before the Father. So I know I'll be ok. And as to sickness, disease, aches and pains? "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him: and with his stripes we are healed."
Praise God! That whole Scripture speaks about Christ generations before he was born. Isaiah 53. The whole chapter from verse 1-12 is a portrait of Christ. Check out verse 2 ".....he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him."
My Lord was not a handsome, goodlooking man. He was nothing like he is portrayed in artist's renditions! But if you don't read the Bible, you won't know that, will you?
In summary, I am saying, I am not perfect, I am full of flaws. And some days I wake up feeling terrible, thinking not so good thoughts. Yet, because of the grace of God, I am redeemed. And I hope if you are reading this, you will give some thought to your afterlife. And if you decide you want your life to change, to be full of the joy of the Lord, the answer is simple. Just go into prayer, and ask the Lord for forgiveness of your sins. Only he can give that. Confess before him that you believe he died for your sins. And then ask him into your heart, and tell him that you want him to rule over your life. Then read the Bible, to get to know him better. It's that simple. That is how your walk with God begins.
"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Rev. 3: 20
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~Philippians 4:8~