I have wonderful memories of the Saturday just before my surgery. That day, we had planned on leaving quite early for a little getaway with all the family to Corpus Christi. However, since my surgery was on Monday, I had to get the last batch of necessary lab work done no later than 48 hours prior to the surgery, so there was no way I could have gotten it done in the preceding days. So around 7am I went to the hospital to get that done and out of the way. Then off to the beach we went!
Funny and wonderful how our little family has increased. First the two of us with our two boys, then a beautiful daughter-in-law, and now two adorable little boys who fill us with joy. My eldest Son and his family had rented a room at a hotel/resort right next to the beach, so we just drove up and met with them.
It was a beautiful day, albeit hot, with a brilliant blue sky and only a few soft puffy clouds visible beyond the horizon. A perfect day for being at the beach, and our first real getaway with our youngest Son in quite a while.
It wasn't easy to keep from thinking about the upcoming ordeal that I knew would not be easy. It wasn't easy to shoo away the thoughts of my mortality, wondering if I would ever have sweet moments like this with my family again. It wasn't easy at all. But then I would see the faces of my loved ones, and I knew then, that no matter what lay ahead, this made it all worth it.
So I decided, right then and there, no drama, no tears, no sadness. Just live the moment and enjoy the blessings.
Notwithstanding, the trip did not erase the questions which have plagued me for years. There will always be moments in time when everyone asks why things have to be the way they are. For me it was why couldn't I have a normal weight with a normal physique? Moments where you wonder how in the world did I get myself into this mess? As an obese person, you ask and you wonder how food ever became such an issue and of so much importance in your life. You look at people and you wonder how is it that they are able to maintain a normal body without the constant cravings that you try every day to fight off. Is it genetic? I am the only 'fat' person in my whole family. I heard once that my biological Father's Mother was a large woman. Well, I'm petite, but the pounds really show on my small frame. Is it the environment of poor quality foods which are so abundant and more affordable than healthy food?
And so I'm off to try a new chapter in my life; a chapter full of hope for attaining a normal weight. The sun never sets on my hopes. They are always full of faith and knowledge that whatever the final outcome of this whole journey, it is in God's hands.
And I will work very hard to reach my goals. Because so much is riding on this.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~Philippians 4:8~