I am still learning things about myself during this leg of my journey. I have learned that I'm really quite stubborn, and if left to my own devices will try and find a way to eat those things which may or may not be healthy for me. I'm learning that it's a good thing I went ahead with the bariatric surgery, or else I'd never have lost the weight, even though I kept telling myself for years that I could do it if I only just tried a little harder.
Which brings me to the title of my post. One of my favorite comedies has always been Seinfeld, and probably the funniest scene was about the 'Soup Nazi'. He owned the neighborhood restaurant where Jerry and his friends liked to go for the best soup. But you had to play by his rules or else he'd deny you your bowl of soup with a few simple words "No soup for you!" I think of that phrase every time I try and eat hot sauce, even my favorite home made salsita. Immediately I feel a very uncomfortable burning in my stomach, and then nausea sets in. And yet, try I do by tasting just the tip of a teaspoon with the delectable concoction. No chile for me! That is the title of my new life also.
I have eaten all manner of hot sauces as well as raw jalapenos, serranos, and even habaneros from the time I could understand that a contest could be won by merely being the one to eat the most chile- say around four years of age. Yes I do recall that little contest, and I emerged victorious. To me then it was a sign of victory, but now I can see that even then I was looking for attention and acceptance even in the smallest or greatest of of things- eating.
And so for decades now I have accompanied practically every single meal with something hot and spicy. I recall eating bologna sandwiches and chips and biting into huge jalapenos with every bite of my sandwich. The intense heat would transport me into a state of euphoria similar to a high- complete with an almost out of body 'floating' sensation. It would happen when I was almost at the threshold of pain from the heat, and I would close my eyes and wait for the feeling to subside I could feel the nerves at the back of my neck and head contract with the sensation. I was only eight or nine years old. Yeah, I was a jalapeno junkie.
In all truthfulness, and without a doubt, it was this very habit which greatly contributed to my overeating. One way to ease the discomfort of the heat is to bite into more food, which in turn diminishes the effects of the chile. But when you want or need that heat, you must then continue with the whole 'looping' routine. Yeah, it's problematic. I never ever had any digestive problems of any sort, so I continued along effortlessly with my 'habit'- or very compulsive behavior.
So it's no surprise that even at this stage after having had my body modified and altered I would still try to partake of the dope. But not today. Today, I made a marvelous meal of grilled fajitas and thick juicy steaks with a pot of beans for my family. I prepared corn on the cob for grilling, I diced avocados, I made the best flour tortillas I have ever made before- and I prepared a smoky salsa with roasted tomatoes, jalapenos and garlic. The best ever! I also diced fresh tomatoes, one jalapeno from our garden, onion and some cilantro for a refreshing and cool pico de gallo. All the things which precisely go so well with hot sauce. All for my family. But as for me, I decided that hot chile- whether raw or in sauce- no longer captivated me. And the other items on the menu- well, I can no longer just dig in like I used to. A few bites of protein and I'm good to go. The end.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~Philippians 4:8~